Be Selfish, Do What's Best For YOU


So, it's been a while since I've written a more rambly mental health based post, predominantly because I've been lacking inspiration and things to talk about. However, today's post is something that is very close to my heart right now. This last week or so, my depression has come back, and come back with a complete and utter vengeance. I usually go through periodic bouts of it, normally near summer time (for some strange reason...I thought summer was supposed to be fun and happy?!), but last year, the regular wave of utter sadness and despair that I've felt for the past 8 years of my life seemed to pass by without affecting me at all. As such, I was lulled into the false sense of hope that I was actually getting better and perhaps 2015 saw the last of my depressive episodes, but oh no, it couldn't be that easy could it.




I swear each episode is worse than the last, as if each time the demon in my mind tries to push me that little bit further, testing how far he can go before I eventually snap, break and do something stupid. Perhaps that's me just blanking out the pain of each 'wave' and forgetting how bad it actually was at the time. Anyway, luckily I'm only at the start of this year's bout and something has clicked in my brain already. I need to focus on me. Only me. You may think, "well, duh, Sophie, that's why everyone always goes on about taking time out for yourself and looking after yourself". And I know that, but this time it's different- although countless people have told me this before, for some reason this epiphany needed to actually register in my mind until I did something about it. Like a personal light-bulb moment within your own little bubble despite the people outside of the bubble having been screaming it at you for the past half-decade. And this has been what I've needed.


I've always been someone who would do anything for other people. I would put my own health and well-being last if it meant making someone else better or happy. I don't want to make out like I'm some saviour of the world, but the 'always put others before yourself' attitude is just part of who I am. I'm a sensitive soul and pick up on others' pain as if it were my own, and that can be a heavy burden to bear- so I try to make them better before I can help myself. Over the years this has gotten less 'extreme' as I've learnt to say no to more people and put myself first very occasionally, but I'm now realising that my own happiness is just as important as the happiness of others. Perhaps I've never thought myself worthy of happiness, hence why I never focused on it, and simply strove to help others find it- people who were worthy.


But once you realise that you are worthy of having that same happiness as the others that you put before yourself, you start to notice everything toxic around you. Things that have been holding you back from being happy. The more you start focusing on what is best for you in order to be happy, the more you realise that you need to cut these toxic things from your life. Whether that be a one-sided friendship that just drains you and never gives back, the dead-end job full of nasty colleagues, or the relationship that leaves you questioning your own self-worth...these all need to go. You need to be ruthless. The thing that has always held me back is the fear of hurting others; I work so hard at trying to not upset other people and be a detriment to their happiness that I have always ignored whether they are even hurting me. And if they are, why should it matter if you upset them? If you mattered so much to them, they wouldn't be hurting you. So cut them loose. Quit your job, embrace single life, ditch that so-called friend. There is more to life than clinging onto these toxic things just to make other people happy- you need to think about what will make YOU happy.


Thinking of others and trying to make them happy is all fine unless it starts negatively affecting your mental health. And this is where it needs to stop. You come first, you are just as important as the next person and should be the focus of your attention. If there is something that is directly linked to you feeling depressed, repeat after me, ditch that bitch. Life is incredible, and if being selfish once in a while means you are able to enjoy it, then so be it.


This post has turned into a mega ramble, apologies. Have you had any moments where you just had to cut ties and focus on your own happiness?



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4 comments

  1. "Ditch that bitch" amazing. So sorry to hear you've been going through this. Depression is a horrid thing to go through and I really hope you do feel better soon. You should definitely be putting yourself first gal, you are worthy. Sending you all my love. Bae xxxx

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  2. Great post, it's so true that sometimes you just have to focus on you. My husband is the same as you, trying to please everyone/ sort them out first, espeially at work, then he 'beats himself up' for not being superman and not being able to do everything at once and solve everyone's problems. He's not been too good in mental health terms lately as a result. His anxiety has really been building in the last few months and about a month ago he went back to having very scary panic attacks which he's had before...thankfully the last week or so has been improved compared to the last few weeks. I've tried to talk to him about putting himself first and not letting other people take advantage of him when he's so willing to help-some people will just take and take and never give anything back if you let them. Actually we have been doing yoga for relaxation and it's really helping him-I think partly because it's time when you can concentrate completely on yourself and forget about what else is going on around you x

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    Replies
    1. and I really hope you feel better soon x

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    2. Thanks Emma, I hope your husband is feeling a bit better. It's horrible to start getting panic attacks. I think the 'beating yourself up' part is so accurate- we need to remember you can't do everything for everyone and make everyone happy, and that it's absolutely fine. Yoga sounds interesting- have never tried it but doctors have recommended it to me for anxiety etc! xx

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