New Years Resolutions

Yes, it's me. I do still exist, somewhat, on the internet and post on this blog every now and then when I remember. I hope everybody had wonderful Christmas and New Years celebrations! Now we're on the 6th day of the New Year, the copious amounts of chocolate have just about been finished off, the permanent hangover has started to subside and the first short (but soul-destroying) week back at work has been completed. It's time to settle back into the  post-festivities old routine, and it's around now that I start really thinking about my goals for the year, and what resolutions I want to make for 2019.

Last year, I only made one resolution- to walk to work. It's about an hour and a half round trip, but come rain or shine I managed to stick to it and not get the bus! The fresh air and time to myself came to be one of the best parts of my day, and this small but do-able resolution allowed me to actually see out the year having achieved my goal for one of the first times ever.

Previously, whenever I had made a New Year's resolution it had always been the same thing; to stop pulling my eyelashes and finally kick trichotillomania's butt. And a couple of weeks into January each year I would spectacularly fail. Because it was such an unrealistic, far-fetched dream of a goal, it was never achieved. It left me even more disappointed in myself and led me to just never making resolutions come the New Year.

After making smaller goals that could actually be achieved, my mindset towards resolutions changed. I feel so much more positive about making them this year; although I've made more goals to aim for, they are still things which I can tick off throughout the year. Aside from a career aspiration and hitting my next savings goal, my resolutions this year are largely focused on mental health- but not the same as I used to make!

Last year I made a huge step to seek help for something I have never spoken about and which remains a massively unresolved and damaging part of my life. Whilst the waiting list is so long that I won't receive counselling until summer 2020, I've promised myself that in the meantime I will take better care of myself to help ease the mental pain.

So, my two main resolutions this year are:-

  • Listen to my mind and body. 
  • Be kinder to myself.

I tend to push myself with every aspect of life, and put a lot of pressure on myself to do the best I can. That's fine...until it's not and my mental health starts suffering and then I start to get the physical consequences of this (fatigue, nausea, headaches etc). I became quite physically unwell last year which made me realise just how much your mental well-being can affect your body- something I had never really experienced much further than the physical aspects of trichotillomania. I learnt to become more in tune with what my mind and body are trying to tell me and I want to carry on this practice throughout 2019; whether this be to slow down, ease off the pressure, eat a bit healthier, treat myself to something new if I need a pick-me-up, or take an evening for 'self care'. I've always been the kind of person to just push through whatever I'm feeling or experiencing, but I want to make an effort to be kinder to myself and not punish myself for trying to look out for number one. I want this year to be the year where I really turn my focus more inwards; it sounds selfish, but I've spent a lifetime looking out for others and I've realised I cannot give them love and support without giving this to myself too. And as these are vaguer goals, here's hoping come 31st December I can say to myself that I've stuck by them!

What are your goals for 2019?

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